What are you doing New Year's Eve?

The holidays can be pretty hateful, amirite? I did alot of running around and cooking and shopping and dinner-partying and more running around. And right when I thought I was possibly having some sort of enjoyment, I caught a cold which forced me to miss another dinner party that I was looking forward to. A dinner party at the luxurious home of an apparent BFF of a certain Brazilian super-duper-model(!) who shall remain nameless. I don't like missing out on opportunities that may constitute a fun time. I'm that 5-year-old that wakes up the day after Christmas and realizes that her older brothers have been playing with the new Simpsons-themed monopoly set for about 30 goddam minutes already, without her.

Soooo, New Year's Eve. There's gotta be some fun there, yeah? My ideal idea of fun would be harmonizing with Joseph Gordon-Levitt but I'll settle for just a party or two. I'll try not to cough on the shrimp cocktail.

Girl Crushing on...

wunderkind Tavi Gevinson!

If you don't already know about her, come out of your lonely cave. She's a blogger, an editor, a fashionista, a writer, a muse, and a rapper. She's already everything you will never be.

Recently she unveiled other talents in her not-so-gradual pursuit for world domination.
God bless you, Tavi Gevinson. It must be so rough being 15.

Thank You for Smoking

I'm not a smoker. People have known this about me. I've loathed it ever since the 7th grade when my science teacher cheerfully passed around the shriveled blackened lung of a life-long smoker, pressed between two thin sheets of glass, to the abject horror of 30 inner-city prepubescents. In my 20s, I'd be sensitive to the smallest vestige of smoke, as it often lay claim over my friends' clothing and hair. I used to force myself, pre-smoking ban, to tolerate the hours of concentrated exposure at music clubs back when I used to go to gigs 2-3 times a week.

Times have changed.

I'm not a smoker. Not really. But ever since I was exiled into this shitty prison of solitude, cigarettes have become a most unlikely crutch. I remember the turning point too. A couple of years ago during a particularly dark period of my life marked by a near-complete withdrawal from society and an unhealthy addiction to free internet access, I slowly became obsessed with this man and I vowed to devote myself and my uterus to him and only him. His tour brought him to Brooklyn and I knew my chances of being able to approach him were high because the venue was so intimate. I managed to muster the courage to speak with him (!) and we proceeded to have non-awkward conversation (!!) and he was gracious and handsome and sooo sexily Anglo. But then it happened. "I'm going out for a ciggie. Care to join?" he asked (or something like that but more British). And I said...wait for it... "No thanks, I don't smoke." NO THANKS. *Cue door of opportunity loudly slamming shut.* So that's when I sort of became the female equivalent of Yes Man cuz "no thanks" does not get you anywhere....or laid.

A week later I bought a pack of cloves (which smell good but they're god awful). Fast-forward to now. I smoke when I'm feeling lonely, which is to say almost every day. I usually limit myself to one cancer stick a day, in my pajamas, by my bathroom window. They don't calm my nerves, they don't help me think, nor do they comfort me in any way. I'm not addicted. In fact, during good times I can go weeks or months without. It's a habit. But strangely, it's a pretty accurate barometer of my emotional state.

This month's cig count has been a personal best. I suspect this has something to do with the holidays. (So fuck you, holidays.) A new year is approaching. Let's see how I'll do.

An ache I still remember

I'm not sure how I entirely missed the boat on this one.

This guy is on heavy heavy rotation for me right now and I can't believe I didn't know he existed until last week. I feel like a complete failure for not knowing about this song when it was first released. And if you knew me back when I wasn't just a semblance of myself, you'd know I'm not exaggerating.


Gotye featuring Kimbra

Little Fury

Animated Gosling = still hot

Sometimes, violence is called for...

tribute to drive from tom haugomat & bruno mangyoku on Vimeo.

Oh to be the cream

I spend my days working for the man, and all my other waking moments living vicariously through the dreams, affectations, dramas, and progeny of others. This is because I've somehow forfeited all of the aforementioned. I don't have anything going on... and this does not feel temporary. I look around me and everyone has an issue or a tragedy or a psychosis or an incredible fortune. I can't take ownership of any of these things. I've never felt so blank.

(This is not a complaint. I do not complain. I will not complain.)

MGMT - All We Ever Wanted Was Everything from oneedo on Vimeo.